Adapted fragments of memories of an alcoholic.
God, please open my heart and my Soul.
I have forgiven myself all my drunk small talks which I can’t recall, and I thank God that He has removed all their negative effects.
I have forgiven myself that as time was passing by, the drunken brotherhood still lasted.
I have given back freedom to all those who used to say – of course, if you don’t drink with us, then you are a spy, a snitch, a collaborator.
I have forgiven that I felt drunken sensitivity and I thank God that He has removed all its negative effects.
I have forgiven that a proof of my drunk actions remained in my throat, in my heart and in my alcoholic liver
I have forgiven that during drunk feasts I and my Soul lost many valuable things.
I have forgiven that my life was a grotesque record of delirious visions and drunk stories, where I lost the sense of time, and phantoms and astral wraiths came to torment me with no end.
I have forgiven that evil spirit and dark forces led me on a leash into drunkards’ gutters and into decay.
I have commended to God all descriptions of drunken and narcotic rituals.
I have forgiven that I sought freedom, equality and drunken brotherhood at the bottom of my moral decay.
I have forgiven that drunkards’ dens used to be an eldorado, and Chinese opium smoking rooms were sanctuaries for me.
I have forgiven myself all drunken festivals where I drunk to forget.
I have forgiven that drunken night libations in inns and other places brought me only troubles, misery and sometimes I even came close to death.
I have forgiven that I was already drunk when drunk kissing began.
I have commended to God all results of my drunken kissing.
I have forgiven that when I got drunk I kissed in ecstasy and I was favourably disposed towards those who I would not like to meet when I am sober.
I give back freedom to all those with whom I kissed when I was totally drunk.
I have already commended to God all results of my drunken kisses.
I have forgiven that I was tired with permanent drunken and narcotic benders.
I have forgiven that for many times avatars of my Soul starting from their young age until death were friendly towards drugs and felt brotherhood with drunkards, phantoms, drug abusers.
I have forgiven myself all touching tears which were flowing on my drunk face.
I have forgiven myself that first I used drugs only occasionally and over time I became addicted and led a drunken life full of disasters, life in which many Souls coexist in drunken brotherhood and in narcotic harmony.
I have forgiven drunken songs sung together with other drunkards during feasts.
I don’t have to meet with drunkards, drug users anymore, to say – Love each other!
I am free from faith in drunken love, in drunken friendship and in drunken brotherhood.
I have forgiven that I looked for prostitutes at drunken orgies.
I have forgiven that I was so impudent towards God, other Souls and other people.
I have forgiven that I hated stench and I was bored with drunken talks.
I have forgiven that I I was united with drunkards by “drunken brotherhood of arms”, and by a mysterious, unconscious solidarity.
I have forgiven that I under the influence of alcohol I told information to people who shouldn’t hear them.
I have forgiven that I believed that only slaves and those who have to work hard don’t drink, don’t smoke and don’t use drugs.
I have forgiven that I had only one excuse – that I didn’t remember.
I have forgiven that many times I perfectly knew that my drunken days are over.
I have forgiven that there were times when I had no friends to drink with.
I have forgiven that after midnight songs, there was time for afternoon signing.
I have forgiven that many times I lost my voice because of drinking and I wasn’t able to talk or sing.
I have forgiven that drinking and abusing drugs resembled the brotherhood of wolves, starting from drunken fights.
I have forgiven that I didn’t eat enough because every meal cost a lot of money – and I needed to pay for wine and drugs.
I have forgiven that I spent days in inns begging for a gulp of alcohol or for a dose of drugs.
fragments
Written by Sławomir Majda
Translated by Łukasz Szczęk [email protected] you spot any mistakes in the translation or if you have any comments or questions in connection with the article please contact us. Original article:Link
Opublikowano: 17/12/2016
Autor: s_majda
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